The life I "Liv"...

Days Gone By

2012-02-17T20:01:00.000-05:00

I just spent an hour looking at old pictures of my girl. Makes me want to fall over and cry. Happy cries of course but almost like a want to sob for hours cry. How did life go so quick. How did something so small grow so fast. At the same time it made me feel so incredibly guilty for not taking enough pictures these last two months. All the pictures I took in the last two years mean so much to me. I especially loved looking at all the pictures of Liv and her cousin Emily. We spent 6 wonderful months together that will never be forgotten because of these pictures. Moments of them playing together just make my heart swoon. I hope someday Liv can be that kind of big sister Emily was to her. Our life was on a true roller coaster and I love that we just went with it.

Talk about emotional mommy tonight. It feels good to just feel.

Snow Day

2012-02-11T09:40:00.001-05:00

I am sitting at my macbook looking out onto our lovely backyard that runs so far back you almost can't see the neighbours. It reminds me of the moment I stepped foot into this house, the house that isn't very large, that this had this modern comfy cozy feel going on. It reminds of than, the moment when i walked into the kitchen and saw those big sliding doors opening up into a outdoor wonderland that my daughter would appreciate. I pictured us enjoying the deck with friends and family and staying outside long past our missy's bedtime. It amazes me now as much as it did back than.

I'm watching them play in the snow that fell gracefully last night and into the early mornings of today while eating a deliciously broiled egg and cheese sandwich focaccia style prepared so sweetly by my Mr.

The last two weeks were tough on me. It threw me completely out of sorts, back up than down and around again. This weekend I am appreciating the small things. One snow drop at a time.

My day

2012-02-04T17:07:00.000-05:00

Lately we have been doing a lot of rush to get here, rush to get there, drop off missy, rush back to study, rush back to work, rush home to cook.. and on and on

I'm truly feeling the effects of being a working + studying mom. I realized the easiest way for me to cope so that stress isn't an issue is to take things one single day at a time. If that's too much I go to one half day at a time, and if it's still too much one hour at a time. I make a list of all the things that need to get done in a priority sequence and slowly check them off my list. I can thank my years in University for this time management skills

Top of my list is stopping often to play with my girl, I ALWAYS have time for that

*Pictures taken by my sister which I so happily found on my camera while loading the minimal amounts of pictures i've been able to take the last few weeks. Thank you Sara. I love me some hidden pictures :)

Balance it Out

2012-01-26T10:02:00.002-05:00

It's easy, I got this in the bag, get it together, keep it together, work it out, keep going, you're doing it, it's hard, it's fun, i'm failing, i'm winning.... it's the great balancing act of life

Sometimes I got it. I look in the mirror, I feel good, I look good, I'm confident, my stride gets a little bit lighter, my smile a little bit bigger, I work it out, I got it together, I get places on time, I get my work done and the house.. well thats another story. The point is there are times when I am feeling the high of life... than there are times where I'm slow to wake, I crawl out of bed, I go through the motions quickly of getting dressed, my smile is there but i'm tryng to get stuff done and it feels like i'm falling short

The thing is I think regardless of which day I wake up too, the high or not as high days, I tell myself I still got it. I am strong. I am smart, I am figuring it all out. My core ... my intentions.. they are good, great even. When I'm working I am dedicating my time to children, children who need that little extra help, children who make huge gains when sometimes others didn't think it was possible, I work endlessly helping their families learn to grow and work with their children so together we can create a better future for everyone involved

I have a really full plate but it is so me, my daughter and my husband can have a better future, so i'll balance, i'll work it out, i'll cry and laugh, and ill pave the way through my life, through my clients life and enjoy it today, because today is right now, and even though it feels just like any other day, it will be great because I am in control, it's our life, it's my life.

I'll balance it all out

5 things that make me smile

2012-01-23T23:08:00.000-05:00

Tinted Burt's Bees in Honeysuckle - Love that I or my lips can't get enough of

Secret smooches my girl sneaks in

High waisted wide leg trouser in the Clearance section in my size

Very first day of Play School

Cool kicks - because she seriously can never have enough shoes

Welcome to the Circus

2012-01-19T20:06:00.001-05:00

After Liv's obsession with this Yo Gabba Gabba Circus episode, fascination with the Clowns in the Santa Claus Day Parade, and scouring pictures upon pictures of birthday parties on pinterest I decided that yes of course, a Vintage Circus Party was in order

She knew she was having a circus party and was beyond excited. Whenever I would ask her who was coming to her party she would look up with a smile and say "Clown?" Only thing was I never planned on having a clown

She rocked out! I might even go on record and say the 2nd birthday was better than her first only because you could see how something so simple became so magical

The night before the party as Sean took care of Liv and my sister, her boyfriend and I like little elves in the night worked hard at trying to get all the last details pulled together, I may or may not have wanted to quit several times, but than the thought of that sweet little face comes flashing back reminded me it is SO worth it, every last bit of it

banner made with fabric cut into strips and tied, poster - PDF file bought on etsy and blown up

I feel so lucky to be her mommy, even on really hard days which seem to happen so often in this toddler stage, we made this sweet, cute, feisty little being, and she turned two

The circus could not have gone any better, it was fairly easy to find materials at a decent cost and was easy to have indoors (seeing as our house is not very large and it's winter outside this had to be manageable)

Just looking at the pictures get me all teary eyed, love love love this girl

A great success indeed, I can;t wait to share these special pictures with her when she's older

A True Canadian

2012-01-18T20:24:00.000-05:00

Like a true Canadian my friends..

this chick can skate

Get Your Birthday On

2012-01-16T13:43:00.001-05:00

I am behind on posting about something that is dear to my heart. Her birthday was grand and everything she could possibly want it to be. We celebrated with friends and family yesterday which I will post more about this week including details of what we prepared but until than I want to take it back to January 9th.

January 9th. What a special day. The day this little girl was born and warmed my heart like never before. The night before she snuck into our beds and woke me up at 6:30 am completely acceptable seeing as she was born at 6:02 am. This whole second birthday is surreal in itself. I often talk about her birth and say "last year..." but than it wasn't last year she was born it was TWO YEARS AGO.

Daddy had to work in the morning. So together we played, painted and danced to Everybody Dance. Made a special Mickey Mouse pancake breakfast and literally just hung out. It felt special to have that one to one time with her. It reminded me of when she was in my tummy kicking around waiting to come out and grace us with her presence.

In the afternoon we headed off to treat our girl to her request of "Chuck E Cheese". She lived it up. Watching her smile is such a delight, it amazes me how much she has grown in the last 2 years.

In the evening we had a cake, and she blew out the candles all by herself. Just like a big girl.

There is nothing anybody can say or do to prepare you for the changes motherhood will bring in your life. Or just how meaningful the day they are born truly is. Our journey has just begun and every year it just keeps getting better.

A 2nd Birthday

2012-01-09T20:55:00.001-05:00

Two years ago today this tiny little girl with the most expressive eyebrows made me a mama.

Today this big little girl with the most expressive eyebrows turned two.

We celebrated.. lots of emotions to go around and not enough time to write them out.

Until than I feel eternally blessed.

Birthday party celebrations to follow this weekend - can't wait!

10 things I now know about myself since becoming a mother..

2012-01-05T20:22:00.002-05:00

Come monday I have been a mom for two years. Hard to believe how little I really knew about myself before I had the babe. Here are a few tidbits that I've learned about myself in the last 2 years.

1. I really really heart Sleep.. enough said.
2. My dance moves aren't as good as I thought they were, says my daughter laughing hysterically at me.
3. On that note either is my clothing choices, "Mommy your shirt funny"
4. I have patience of steal (when I want to) - evidence here
5. I can clean my house up in record speed after a hard works day of play
6. I can carry a 25 pounder around with ease, that means I'm fit right?
7. Going to the washroom by yourself is a luxury no one should ever take for granted
8. I can multi-task like no other (employee, wife, mother, cleaner, friend, student, sister, chef, laundry girl - you name it I do it)
9. I can't remember anything, I think I use to be able too, but hmmm I can't remember If I could or not
10. I love being a mother, even after hard days, on good days, on sick days, everyday.

a new day, a new year

2012-01-03T12:00:00.001-05:00

I've never really been one to make new years resolution but I have always been one to reflect, aspire, change, develop, and grow because of this reflection process.

I so needed this break with my family to just think and be. To play on the floor with my daughter and give my undivided attention. We went on a last minute getaway to the cottage, I almost didn't want to leave. The simplicity of being away from work, computers, and enjoying each others company in really small quarters felt inspiring and fresh.

It felt like it had been awhile since we took a mini break from our normal schedule. The snow was perfect and just what was missing on Christmas Day. I thought a lot about the next year and what I want to learn, grow and how I want to enrich our lives. So although I don't have goals written down they are there floating in my head. Health, Happiness, Love.. the list could go on

We spent a quiet New Years at home. With our babe who woke at 11:35 from a deep sleep. We let her stay up and count down with us.

3..2..1.. Happy New Years she yelled loudly. And than with the biggest smile said "Let's do it Again". Next year my love next year..

(or for the millionth time today on youtube)

Christmas Baby

2012-01-01T15:16:00.000-05:00

We have one day left of enjoying our sweet time together before the world resumes back on schedule.

There is something so great about having the time to spend with family and friends talking about nothing but everything all at once.

Our Holiday schedules are always busy. We have to be so many places in so little days to ensure we see everyone. But I feel so utterly blessed that that is our scenario.

That we rush from this place to the next to sneak snuggles in with cousins and a glass of wine with brother in laws and sisters, we knock on doors and scream loudly with cheer Merry Christmas, How the heck are ya? and wrap our arms around each other to fully embrace the joyfulness the season.

It's these kind of moments you want to last forever, yet we are so grateful to come home on the 27th and just relax, be still, seep up all the goodness that just occurred.

I love the initial rush of Christmas. The anticipation of what's to come. I love my girl sleeping in until 8 am and waking us up with a smile. I love the let down after Christmas is over but the parties still continue.

That we still have friends and family to see and we lounge together on couches, floors and laugh. I love I didn't have to worry once about work. I love watching happy faces, and throwing schedules to the wind. I love the carefree'ness of the holiday.

I love that when Christmas is over , we celebrate a birthday in the family and than New Years.

I'm relaxing now on a couch by myself in front of a warm fire reflecting on all that has passed, waiting for a Starbucks coffee the greatest man went to go get. We had a good good week.

Today is New Year's Day.. more to come on that.

Enjoying

2011-12-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

Just spending some time enjoying my family. Lots of greatness transpired over the course of a few days and I'm just soaking it all up before it gets filed away with all my other wonderful Christmas memories.

Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays as much as we are!

Pinch Me

2011-12-23T22:45:00.000-05:00

It's wild. A real trip. Sitting here watching a man I call my husband put together a very special toy for our very special girl that we call our daughter. We have a daughter. I have a daughter. I have a husband. And a dog and a house. Pinch me. How did life get so good. How did I grow up? When did I grow up?

On the eve of Christmas Eve I feel so blessed. I feel so grateful for all I have in my life. For my wild toddler, hard working husband an a family to call my own. It feels good to grow up, it feels good indeed.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Things to love about a January Birthday

2011-12-21T19:50:00.000-05:00

My girl has a birthday and it's only two weeks after Christmas, 9 Days after New Year's Eve and I guess that makes it right in the heart of the holiday season.

You hear too often that nobody want's a birthday close to the holidays. I may or may not have been one of those people before.

But January Birthday's aint all that bad my friends and here's why:

- Your Life follows the calendar. When the New Year comes guess what you too are another year older :)

- (For the mommies for january babies..)Boxing Day Sales are a great time to buy her birthday gifts seeing as it's only two weeks later - score

- Extra gifts during the other times of the year, like the summer, or mid apri,l because well Mommy can't use the excuse have to wait for your birthday or Christmas seeing as you'd have to wait all year since they show up at the same time, and you'd probably out grow that phase/toy by the time it came around

- Skating parties instead of swimming parties - hello funnn

- You'll likely be the oldest in your class, and the first one to get your license, vote and other things we won't talk about :)

- It's the most magical time of the year, that's why..

See January babies aren't all that bad now are they?

For a soon to be 2 year old

2011-12-18T08:44:00.000-05:00

The Holiday season every year is now extra special for our family. Our little Miss 1 year old will soon be turning 2. Where did the time go? I know, I know, it's an over-used statement made my billions of parents. I am kind of in shock though that I once had a baby and now she will be turning 2.

To celebrate her.. and almost being 2

My lovely lovely girl. I love you so much!

A Very Merry Wish List (for me)

2011-12-13T21:04:00.000-05:00

When we were children a sheet of paper, with all of our names neatly written across the top, hung on the fridge months before Christmas arrived. This sheet of paper was our wish list. Some of us more than others had very lengthy lists (uh hum sister). But the thought of soon starting a wish list for my little family excites me. It's a little to early for Liv to understand this concept but when the time comes I too will place a sheet of paper with all of our names neatly written across the top and hang it on our fridge.

Christmas for me isn't about receiving at all. I haven't even asked for a single thing. But in my head these are a few of the things I will likely purchase in the next few months. Not that anybody asked (hehe)!

1. Smashbox Primer - $28
2. Via W. $600 (Liv/Giant Bike - I kid you not, its actually Liv/Giant)- I could do with any bike I just thought this one was pretty darn neat
3. Starbucks gift card
4. Crosley AV Room Portable USB Turntable $160
5. Wilfred Shrunken Chevalier Blazer $195
6. Wilfred Wooven Wool Scarf $75
7. West Elm Modern Bowls $8.60 each
8. Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray $23
9. Kiehls Facial Cleanser & Moisturizer $25 & $22

A long few days

2011-12-12T08:49:00.000-05:00

Remember that post about the rain?

Well the last four days I have spent in my jammy jams nursing on a sick toddler who has clung to her mama like a little koala bear.

I don't even think I know what day it is today. What day is it? I'm in deep guys..I may just wear my pj's forever, they are that darn comfortable.

Enjoying the snuggles while she dishes them out.

A very Rainy Christmas

2011-12-09T09:56:00.000-05:00

The weather here has been everything but Christmas'y. Ok that's not a word but it's how I feel. Most mornings we wake up and take a peek outside to see yet again another very wet day.

It hasn't stopped us from getting into the Christmas spirit but I will say it tends to put a damper on the plans we have. Like putting up the Christmas lights, or picking out our Christmas tree, skating outdoors. The house feels a little lacking.. although a big thanks to the husband for managing to squeak up the lights one night this week.

I hate to say it but bring on the snow already..

Either way with this yucky weather we've been trying to keep up with our traditional holiday activities.

Our Gingerbread Party

Wearing Festive Jammies

Hanging out with friends

Making Holiday Sugar Cookies

Pump it Up

2011-12-06T11:15:00.002-05:00

I've had my eye out for a pair of red pumps for much too long. I found a pair..Now they are all mine.

A very Merry Christmas indeed!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

2011-11-30T21:17:00.002-05:00

It's funny because today was the day I decided to try and snap Liv's holiday pictures and it just so happened that the weather decided to snow for the very first time this season. It was well over do if you ask me. The Christmas music I have been blaring 24/7 in my car and home, particularly Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer on repeat, her choice not mine. It was well over do. The weather had been oddly warm, I wasn't complaining but the music just didn't feel right, but now.. oh now it's game on!

It looked wonderful even though it was a small white fluffy layer that glazed the top of the ground. My girl quickly wanted to dress up and play outside. So she did. And she loved it. I love the holiday season. I love spending evenings inside looking out onto the snow driven streets. I love sipping hot drinks and warming toes near the fire. I love listening to my girl talk about Santa and all his glory. It brings be right back to my own memories and traditions that were created for me.

It's like a gift to be able to bring alive that same magic for her. I am looking forward to more days like today, that include hanging out with family, eating, laughing, playing, enjoying our cozy little home and making memories that we hopefully talk about long after they happen.

Christmas is on it's way.. and I'm in love, let the magic begin!

Lately

2011-11-27T21:24:00.000-05:00

I've been tired and she's been giving me a go for my money. You know the loads of money I make for being a stay(and work) at home mommy. Yeah she's giving me a go for that money. She's winning. She has energy. I do not. She can repeat things over 50 times. I can not.
She is smarter than me and not even two. How can I argue with that.

Lately I'm just letting her win because ... well ..

How can I not with that.

Get Your Act Together

2011-11-20T18:54:00.000-05:00

She wouldn't nap and I burnt the soup we were having for lunch, how do you even burn soup I think to myself out loud. Call it one of those days in parenting where you just want to blow your lid but realize it's not really age appropriate. Whatever the case i'll add it to the memory bank of parenting days where I felt like I just wasn't up to par. Like those first few days when you bring your baby home and you are so overly exhausted all you want to do is sleep but you can't because you are the thing, the it person, keeping this beautiful little creature alive.

I collapsed at the mall this week. I was with my daughter, just her and I and nobody else. It was scary to say the least. Lots of stuff happened in between including a hospital visit and tests but long story short I will be ok.

Nothing like a crazy experience to scare the living parenting out of you. To make you realize everything you were getting frustrated about before doesn't even make sense.

It's more important to..

- have picnic's in our living room bright and early in the morning with my girl

- See Santa and talk about how she wants to see him again

- Go to Santa Claus Parade's and see the crazy clowns

- Make holiday cookies together

- Put up Holiday Stickers

I think the reality is my lack of patience some days eats away at me, the guilt seeps in and makes me feel terrible, but my Miss all she seems to remember is the love.. love I have for her and how I try to make the most out of our days.

and thats all I could ever ask for

A good morning

2011-11-15T15:27:00.002-05:00

When we moved in August we moved significantly closer to my family. We moved closer to the neighbourhood I grew up in and we moved closer to a lot of my friends and places we like to hang out at.

This means mornings that start off with no plans usually end up with meeting up with my sister, good eats, hot cups of coffee, and a trip to the park.

These are my kind of mornings

Mornings done right.. oh it was a good morning indeed!

Time

2011-11-13T12:24:00.000-05:00

Last night we stayed out way past my bedtime which also means it was way way way past Liv's bed time. There are moments in time where I feel it's important to stay on schedule or have things in order but than there are times, which I tend to love the most, when I throw caution to the wind and forget about time.

Every day she gets older I'm amazed at how quickly time has gone by. The fact that we are now on the brink or a second birthday. That Christmas music is playing 24 hours on the radio station in the car. That it will be our first Christmas in our house. That snow will be coming and new skates will be worn. Time time time.

The last week was nice. It was quiet and a break between my next course which starts Monday. We forgot about schedules and timing. We went downtown and met daddy for a last minute lunch, I took my girl to her swimming lesson which is usually a daddy and me ordeal, we ate breakfast at our favorite greasy spoon, and I got to sleep in Saturday morning. It was glorious.

It's moments like these I will remember when time has passed us by.

Yes Yes Yes

2011-11-09T14:41:00.002-05:00

I took my exam on Saturday. I was told to check my mark in two weeks time but I had this feeling to check today for no apparent reason knowing very well it wouldn't be posted yet.

But as I opened my inbox out pops my PASSING grade. I passed!! All that studying for something!!! One down Three More to go.. take that old dog can't learn new tricks..

and here is the sweet little lady that played so nicely while mommy studied her butt off..

My Girl

2011-11-06T19:27:00.000-05:00

Is smart, beautiful, energetic, rough and gentle, important, loving, sweet, fierce, lively.. and all mine.

Halloween in November.. & crazy

2011-11-02T15:18:00.002-04:00

Ok I am late on the Halloween front but it will kill me not to post a few photos of my sweet Trick or Treat girl.

She loved every bit of it and could have stayed out all night if we let her. The way she says "Trick or Treat" just melts my heart and brings me right back to my childhood. I loved how she dropped her candy and made sure to go back and check I picked it up. I equally love how she woke up the next morning forgot all about the sweets and hasn't asked for a candy since. No I didn't dress up and yes thats super lame of me.

Life has gotten ahead of me lately or maybe I have gotten ahead of life, which ever one it is I always seem to do this to myself. Start several projects all at once and over load myself to the max. I feel like half the time I'm working my way through projects that I have started or need to get done and thinking to myself "why did I do that?"

I started a class which proves to be difficult with work and a child in tow, especially seeing as I have been out of school since 2006. My exam is on Saturday so through the madness of studying somehow I've still managed to suck the lemons out of fall.

The weekend was a perfect escape from my head being in books. The weather was perfect. The forest was perfect. The colours of fall are perfect. It was a much needed hike for the three (+ dog) of us.

On top of it my nice camera that I love to use and miss dearly has been MIA.. well it's sitting on a shelf screaming "use me" but like I said.. craziness over here.

Here's hoping life resumes back to normal for a little bit come Saturday. Wish me luck..

I love..

2011-10-28T16:11:00.000-04:00

The way you put your finger on your nose instead of your lips and say "Shhh"

That you picked these beauties out yourself at the thrift store

How you are beyond daring..how rarely does anything fear you.. "I'm Risky" as you like to say

You want Pink everything. Pink bowl, pink cup, pink spoon, pink hat. We didn't buy these boots but I feel guilty for not doing so, bring it on pink, I accept you.

That you love to read books. You can recite goodnight moon and no david all on your own.

when you come to me and tell me "it's dark outside.. time for bed"

when I catch a moment just like this

I love you!

That's the way it is..

2011-10-24T14:32:00.003-04:00

It is often we as humans try to have everything figured out, have a plan laid out, or try to have everything in order. It seems that whenever I try to have everything in order, or I am on the brink of having everything in line, things just slowly go out of place. The Ebb and Flow of life as I always say..

We went to the pumpkin patch before thanksgiving happened. It was a really lovely warm day. Almost felt like summer. I love looking back on sweet sweet memories like this and remember what years past she was doing. My sweet toddler is growing up.

Sometimes it feels stressful but I often like when things change or happen in a way I didn't expect or predict. It more times than not turns out the way it was meant to be. It makes me feel like I came full circle in a direction I didn't know I was going.

Even when things feel out of place, or get stressful, she put's things right back in perspective. Some things just don't matter. That's the way it is..

Pumpkin and Spice Delight

2011-10-20T14:48:00.001-04:00

I'm a little late on posting this for the Canadians out there but it's too good not to post and I figure American Thanksgiving is coming up so the recipe can still be utilized. Not to mention I made this the day of thanksgiving in a last minute frenzy. Isn't that what motherhood is about?

These cupcakes or pumpkin muffins as Liv likes to call them are easy and best of all delishhhh, they will not disappoint I can assure you of that.

Needed:

For the cupcake:
- Can of pumpkin
- Box of Spice Cake
- 2 Eggs
(Thats right - that is ALL you need)

Mix all together. Line your cupcakes with pretty paper or grease. Cook according to package on box. Mine was about 23 minutes

For the icing:

- 1 package cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup butter, softened
- 2 cups sifted confectioners' sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Mix all together. I wanted mine thin so that it would run down the edges. If you want thicker icing use more cream cheese.

These were a hit with everybody at Thanksgiving :)

Enjoy

Park Days

2011-10-17T22:04:00.000-04:00

Sometimes all you need is a day in the park..

At the bottom of our street is a park, with a large open field and a playground. There are times when just daddy and his girl walk down there alone and spend some special time together.

But than there are times when we all go together.

I can't believe how fast the time has gone by since last year. So much has happened and so much to come.. a once little babe on the brink of turning two.

I love watching curious almost two year old minds. Run so wild and free with not much care in the world at all.

Life has just begun.. sometimes all you need is a day in the park indeed.

Auntie

2011-10-14T19:37:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago we were over at my brother and sister-in-laws house. We ate a wonderful dinner, chatted and enjoyed each others company.

And than to make the night even better they broke the news..

I'm going to be an Auntie! This lovely most wonderful, soft, caring, funny, and everything in between couple are going to have a baby. Liv loves her Auntie Kim and Uncle Josh and we are just so over the moon excited.

I can't wait to snuggle this baby up just like they do with Liv.

The Tree

2011-10-10T18:39:00.000-04:00

There is this old tree in the middle of no where that we pass on a road that will lead you to where we once lived. I have passed it many times on my own while I travel to and from the one client I have that lives so far. I have been waiting silently wanting to so badly take a few pictures with this old tree stump but always seemed to pass it with only me in the car.

This weekend we passed it. With all three of us in the car. I spoke quietly under my breath "I've wanted to take a picture of that for so long" and he pulled the car over quickly without second guessing his move. He gets me. I love that.

So I took a few pictures. It feels good. I can't wait to blow one up and hang it in my house. So worth it, the scratches on my legs, and burs on my pants. The old tree.

Peek-A-Boo

2011-10-06T14:23:00.001-04:00

Liv: Muffled noise coming from under the blankets "Mommy, What you doing?"

Mommy: "Nothing sweet pea, What are you doing?"

Liv: "I playing Peek-A-Boo"

Mishmash

2011-10-04T19:54:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting with my thoughts today or truthfully for the last week. The thoughts I'm not even entirely sure I want to write down or even share here at all. But my mind keeps going there even when I lead it away.

I guess it started with the sleep training. Her calling me just to lay down with her, to hold her hand, it has been eating me away. I am happy to say that night two she only had to be redirected 6 times and tonight not at all. (Happy dance for being consistent it pays off mama's)

But this little thing is eating away at me...

Liv was sick last week. I made an appointment for her to see the Dr. The night before I found a lump on my breast. I brought it up at the appointment. An ultrasound is scheduled. It could and hopefully is nothing at all. Probably a cyst and nothing to worry about my Dr. said unsure. I'm young my mind keeps saying. But the thing is my life isn't about me anymore.

It's about her. It's all about her. My appointment is weeks away and sometimes, like moments right now when I'm sitting by myself, where my thoughts have time to manifest, it's picking and eating away at me "just tell me what it is already, I'm ready to know". I know it will be nothing at all. I know that, and I hope that, I really really hope that.

It's just times like when i'm to harsh on her for whatever reason, or I don't hug her enough, or kiss her enough, or she says lay with me and im trying to think of the big picture.. these days it hits home.

What is the big picture? there better be a big picture.

*Pictures taken a few weeks ago. Happy to report Liv told mommy today "I no wear diapers, I wear undies" and undies she wore while we were out all day today (instead of just around the house) I'm going to miss that Diaper Butt*

96 Times

2011-10-02T19:55:00.000-04:00

The last few months we have struggled with our once great sleeper turned miserable multiple waker, won't go to bed on her own missy miss. Add in a really hard week of being sick and we had ourselves a break down. Or I did anyway.

96 times. The magic number. The number of times it took me to place my girl back into her bed gently and lay her back down to sleep while she gave me lots of tears. This technique is not for everyone. It works for me because, well, I use the same principles with my clients (ABA). It's hard not to say anything when all you want to do is scream on the top of your lungs "helppppp meeeee".

96 times. But she laid her head down and fell asleep. 96 times. This girl has will and power. 96 times...

Crossing my fingers tomorrow is a little bit easier

Sickness

2011-09-28T12:09:00.003-04:00

Well the rainbows and lollipops have disappeared and what's been left is a big ball of nasty sickness we have been trying to overcome. When my girl gets sick, girl.gets.sick! let me tell ya - UGH!

I have a cling on 24-7 that has a cough that sounds like a bark. We've gotten steroid shots which include 'roid rage, I kid you not, she had the rage. I am hoping we are on the mend now as I have my own share of this sickness to get over and I'm waiting for lung X-Ray results.

Sitting here alone on the couch as Missy Miss is asleep is exactly what I need. I am exhausted and my house after not being able to keep up with it these last few days is a disaster. As always I am now trying to play catch up. Let's hope this catch up doesn't take so long.

Most important thing is that my girl gets better.

All or Nothing

2011-09-21T14:21:00.000-04:00

There is this moment in parenting that I feel I have been at for quite some time now. I am almost certain it will continue until my girl is grown up and moving out of our house to pursue the dreams of her own.

This moment that seems to be standing still has to do with priorities vs. responsibilities. My job as a mother vs. my job as a career women. Both important however one so much higher on the spectrum of life.

How do you do it all? Sound familiar? I believe it's a movie "I Don't Know How She Does it?". Sometimes it feels like I have to give it all or nothing at all. The guilt seeps in when I have to think about "possibly" going back to work full time, but than the financial burden of daycare comes up and my mind thinks is it really worth it? These things play back and forth in my mind day in and day out. How am I going to manage it all? How will we one day add another child to the mix? Where is my career going? Do I need to make a change? What next what next what next..

Where do I go from here. Is it really all or nothing?

A Conversation

2011-09-14T00:00:00.002-04:00

Bed time in our house goes a little something like this, bath, books, & bed. It's a simple routine that sometimes gets switched around but books & bed is a must. After books we sit quietly as she rests her head and dozes off to the land of Zzzz's. Only it's easier said than done, sitting quietly that is, when she has a conversation all one her own.

Last night looked a little something like this:

Mommy sitting in a rocking chair waiting for Liv to go to sleep

Liv falls asleep but promptly wakes back up

Liv: Hello Mommy

Mommy stays very quiet rocking in the chair

Liv: I love you Mommy

Mommy still quiet

Liv: Mommy? I love you

Mommy smiling but still quiet

Liv: What you doing?

Liv: Rocking in the chair?

Mommy trying desperately not to laugh

Liv: Ya?!

Liv: Goodnight mommy

Mommy thinking man I love this girl

Conversations with my girl are sweet, endearing and I want to savour every last bit of it, even the ones she has all on her own, those are the sweetest of all :)

Scenes from around the home

2011-09-12T00:00:00.005-04:00

It is no secret that on any given day the words "I love this little house" flow through my lips a hundred times or more. I do I really really do. Life brought us a whirl wind but it was meant to be and now, now I just feel so in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time.

The thing I love the most, knowing that in the years to come we will slowly personalize our space just the way we want it. With a few changes here and there this house will be complete.

Here are some Scenes from around our Home

Sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day

Banana and Blueberry Dutch Pancakes

His view looking out back

Her Throne

Lovely curtains that make me happy, and our intimate dinning table

A cute sight as I walk down the stairs - shhh babies sleeping

A cozy place

Dinning outside - awe bliss

Cookin' it Up

2011-09-07T09:43:00.002-04:00

Life has been good lately. Quiet during the day and a lot bit fun at night with the many visitors popping in checking out our new pad. Like always there has been limited time for what I want to do (like write a blog post finally), we still don't have the cable/internet going so life has been filled with simplicity, remember this post?

Simplicity is sweet these days and seems to be paired with good food. Cooking is the number one thing I missed most about not living in our own house. I've always loved cooking and baking and lately I have truly appreciated the time to just cook for my family. Liv has taken even more of an interest and now wants to help out. This morning she woke up and said "make cookies down stairs", I have waited for this moment for years. There are moments where I can cook and its a peaceful, like an escape from the hustle and bustle of chasing a toddler all day. But than there are moments where we are all in the kitchen together. Missy on her stool helping me mix and daddy on the side chopping veggies and mommy stirring it all together that just makes cooking that much sweeter.

It's a wonderful thing we have here and I couldn't be happier.
Now I need a coffee and off to chase the toddler who is in the midst of go-with-the-flow potty training:)

Dream big my girl..dream big

2011-08-31T15:36:00.000-04:00

This is hands down my favorite video of my little lady..

love love love love her!

Toronto: Pint Size - CNE

2011-08-29T12:19:00.000-04:00

One thing is for sure, I have an appreciation for all the things my city has to offer. Me and my girl tour the city we live in to the max.

So what I want to do here is bring it back to you. Help you out with your little ones, show you that traveling although not always easy with a little one can be done. So here is my Toronto: Pint Size addition. I hope it helps those that live in the city, those that are visiting the city, and those that want to travel to the city.

First up:

The Canadian National Exhibition

Tell me about it:

If there is anything Toronto is known for in the summer time it would be this great little (biggest in Canada and 5th in North America) fair that is held at the end of the summer. It has long been a family tradition in my household (read more here). Experience live shows, greasy eats, risky rides, animals, games and so much more.

Did you know? The CNE has been recognized as a leader in fairs going green and received an Ecologo certification for having recycled 77.3% of solid waste during the 18 days of the fair in 2009.
Source

When:
Last two weeks of August every year, ending on Labour Day Monday

Located:
At Exhibition Place, Toronto, Ontario

Admission:
$16 per adult, $12 youth and seniors & Children under 4 Free or a family pass at $48
Rides cost extra as a pay per ticket or play all day pass

Pint Size Info/Tips:

- Bring a stroller, lots and lots of walking
- Snacks & drinks to keep the babe fed, they allow all food into the park
- Walk around and let the babes roam free in the kid zone. No need to buy a ride pass for little ones as there is a big park and open grass areas
- Catch the live kid shows, check times as they will vary
- Pet and Feed the animals in the petting farm

- Let the kids check out the agricultural building where there is a kids area marked off
- Play a few games, in the kids area they have games tailored for small children, every child wins a prize. Bonus win a toy your daughter loves and can't buy in Canada :)

- Check out the Military Area where the kids can climb in and out of tanks, planes and more

- Ride the ferris wheel to take in Toronto Sights

- Get something to eat at the food building you wouldn't eat anywhere else

We had a blast there, as we always do :) It is worth the trip and can be fairly inexpensive. So go out and enjoy you only have a few more days.

Hope you enjoyed my first Toronto: Pint Size Addition. If you have any questions please feel free to comment or drop me an email.. Happy Travels :)

Enjoying

2011-08-25T20:58:00.001-04:00

My words have been minimal lately due to the fact there is just so much to unpack and organize, partly due to the fact the internet isn't hooked up yet and mostly due to the fact that I just can not get enough of the one to one time I now have with my precious little girl.

Finding my groove again after being in such a different role for so long is refreshing. Spending time just sitting on the floor with my girl makes me breath easy. It feels so good to be in the moment enjoying everything about her, this little being I helped bring into this world.

I have had a lot of time to think lately, you know without all the chaos that we use to come home too. I think about the goals, plans, dreams I want for my family, my work, and for me. I've created budgets and plans so we can stay on track and now I just need to find out what makes me happy. What I want to do, where I want to go.. I believe there will be lots of changes in the next year. The tug-of-war of being a mom, the guilt for not being home yet the need or desire to do something.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.. this journey has just begun!

Home Sweet Home

2011-08-22T14:31:00.002-04:00

What I really wanted the title to read was "Home Sweet F'n Home" totally appropriate because it is exactly how I feel but totally inappropriate at the same time. Either way it's how I feel.

Our life have been nothing short of adventurous these past 8 months but I am now totally and utterly at piece with being still, in the moment, owning a house, having a backyard, making my own schedule, caring for own child.

I want a simple life, with simple things, and I feel like that's what I finally have.

I'm a Dreamer

2011-08-18T20:35:00.000-04:00

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

- Eleanor Roosevelt

My mother once told me that not everyone knows how to receive a gift. I think when I first heard it being said, I didn't exactly know what it meant. I mean who doesn't know how to receive a gift? We live in a world where we want want want. Sometimes you assume that people are better at receiving than giving. But than it truly hit me and how it was relevant to my life.

I dream big. I give big. I gave the biggest gift I could possibly give anyone in the last few months. I gave a gift that required time with my daughter to be shared, a change in location, a test of patience and everything in between. I embraced it and gave it all I had. It burned when the gift I gave so openly didn't feel appreciated. In my heart I know it was even if it went unnoticed. In my heart I did it for them even though I feel it wasn't even

the icing on the cake. I wish I could do so much more, but I can't. I have my own family. My own little girl. My own husband.

I dream because it fuels the energy inside me. I dream because I want my daughter to have everything I had and more. I dream because my husband embraces it and cares about my thoughts.

This little family of mine. We dream BIG together. We live BIG. And now I know.. a gift unnoticed is the sweetest gift of all.

(on a side note we move on Saturday and I am very excited, like a kid in the candy store excited)

Summer Nights

2011-08-14T20:53:00.000-04:00

I love summer nights that include sitting outside breathing in the aroma of the left over hot sun. I could spend hours sitting, breathing, enjoying, sharing stories of life, both not so good and the great.

I love summer nights that include my girl cheerfully staying up past her bedtime, eating delicious food, and chatting with family members I don't get to see enough of.

I can't wait to move and enjoy our new ritual of summer nights out on our deck together, our family of 3. I wish summer nights could stay around forever.

Lately.. and what I wore

2011-08-12T22:04:00.001-04:00

Lately a lot has been going through my mind as we prepare for yet another move. But the thoughts aren't even about the move but more about the children we leave behind. The ones I have cared for as my own for the last 7 months. I'm trying hard not to go there, with my thoughts, because I know it will upset me and I have a lot on my plate right now. I'm sensitive and have this empathy that sometimes gets the best of me so it's best I don't go there just yet. But I am going to go there because I know I have to, so one day in another post, I'll go there, just not today.

In other news, completely unrelated to anything to do with what I just wrote above, here's what I wore this weekend

Tank - Anthropologie
Dress - Urban Outfitters
Belt - H&M
Bag - F21
Bracelet - Francescas Collection & Vintage
Sunnies - H&M

Tank - J Crew
Shorts - American Eagle
Shoes - Stoneridge

Rock and Roll

2011-08-10T08:34:00.001-04:00

A date. That started with see-you-soon kisses to our Missy, off to a greasy spoon dinner downtown..

and ended with rocking with the Foo Fighters. Excellent. As always. Go see them on this tour. You won't regret it.

Now that's what I call date night done right!

Photography

2011-08-07T14:58:00.001-04:00

I had the pleasure of snapping a few photos with my friend and her dear bump this weekend

Only 5 more weeks to go until we meet this little bundle of joy. Doesn't this mama look fabulous?

Learn as We Go

2011-08-05T08:59:00.001-04:00

This week the noise of tiny little foot steps running meticulously down the hall emerge while I am in a deep self at roughly four am every morning. As she squeaks the door open to our room with a demand already in hand, "milk" I hear her say again.

Lately I find she is becoming more aware of her own sense, needs and the fact that she can make small choices in her life in a big way. She chooses to take her doggie on the car ride instead of the dolly. Don't dare try to put pants on the girl as her heart is set to dresses these days. She will choose "yogurt please" over toast most days. She's aware of what she wants to do and very vocal about it.

She spews the word "No" or "No Thank You" like it's her business. Most times with a high pitch whine. I got to give her credit, girl knows what she wants and it seems to be her way or the highway. She's daring in every sense of the word. There is nothing she won't do at least one, risky or not.

Behaviours are my forte. I do this for a living I say. Eliminate tantrums, divert blow ups, teach children to follow routines and work within set boundaries, "follow through" I tell parents on a daily basis, you have to follow through. "I know It's hard when it's your own child" I hear myself reassuring my clients. And now I get how much harder it truly is.

I feel blessed to have a care-free, spirited, outgoing, feisty, strong-willed, smart, energetic, beautiful, sweet loving girl that I can call my own. I'm striving to learn from her and keep my patience at bay. I want her to feel strong and independent and fuel her creative side.

Stay with me Liv, I'm learning as we go!

**Giveaway coming soon**

The City

2011-08-02T07:42:00.002-04:00

This weekend was the kind you want to do over and over again. We took advantage of the great city we live in. I am a veteran of the city. I have the fondest memories as a child in the sticky hot heat of the summer making chalk drawings on our drive way. As a teenager working at the summer camp on the beach taking full advantage of riding my bike daily but knowing the subway like the back of my hand. As a young adult spending the evenings downtown sitting out on patios drinking fancy drinks with friends I hadn't seen as often as I would have liked while I was at University. And now as mother toting a newborn to toddler, enjoying everything from splash pads to castle parks hidden deep in high park.

I love Toronto. I love the city. I thrive on being able to do everything or nothing but the fact that the option is there fuels my blood.

We took in the Zoo. I bought a membership this year so we could come and go as we please and not feel like we would have to see the entire Zoo in one day with a toddler that can become cranky real fast .

She is a true animal lover. She wants to pet them and hug them till her hearts content. The fascination in her eyes just ignites my heart.

We took in a couple of trips to the dog park which Liv calls the "Da Park". I love that there are places untouched not a building in sight and we can hike and enjoy being outside together. We watch him run fast and weave in and out of bushes like a little bunny while Liv chases him. We watch him roll his pot bellied self into a mud pit to cool off just like a little piggy. The dog park is a ritual we try to do often on the weekend and this is exactly why.

More animals = more fun for Liv.

The Circus was in town. Elephants, horses, dogs galore. I am sensing a theme here hmm.

I was worried she may not sit very well but of course she proved me wrong. She couldn't have been more entertained. It was fun and hot but more fun than hot so thats all that counts.

And of course we ended with some relaxing by pool side with family and cousins that Liv adores and looks up to. Nothing like topping a weekend off with splashing and a few drinks.

I can't wait to move back to the city.

Charming

2011-07-29T20:55:00.000-04:00

We got to spend an hour at our new house today. The house we bought is charming.

Front yard & Back Yard

It is exactly what we were looking for. It has character and it's full of life.

I thought it was going to be hard to move from the brand new house I loved so much but this older house has what our other house was missing.

The closer it gets to move in time the harder I realize it will be to truly say good-bye to the other three kiddos. I am trying to keep my patience at bay and just savour the time all 4 cousins have together.

This house is good. I can feel it. Liv is going to love it. Good things will come from this house mark my words.

Happy Birthday Lovah

2011-07-27T21:37:00.000-04:00

See that handsome Mister. It's his birthday today. Yes our birthday's are three days apart. Yes we are both Leo's. Yes we may or may not be very feisty just like a leo is labeled as. Yes I love him dearly.

30 year's old today. Happy Birthday sweet thing.

*pictures from our birthday last year - call it recycling*

A year of Changes

2011-07-26T21:42:00.003-04:00

I celebrated my birthday on Sunday. It was lovely. A weekend spent away at the lake away from the hustle of the city.

I did a lot of thinking. The last year of my life has brought about a lot of changes. From wife, to a special 1 year old birthday, to selling our house, moving into a family of 7 in the suburbs, to buying a new house, life couldn't possibility have changed much more than that.

I feel grateful for friends and family that I can rely on. For the way they love our daughter, make her life adventurous and help me guide her through life.

I'm am still trying to search and find what it is I was I am going to do with this precious life of mine. I'm struggling trying to get my passions to afford me to stay home. I'm looking for ways to afford the opportunities my mother so generously gave and allowed me to do so I can in turn do the same for my girl. I will get there. I will get there I often reassure myself. I will get there because I make it a priority.

After reflecting on the weekend I knew all I wanted for my birthday was for my best girl to enjoy the day.

So we had fun. Laughed. Drank. And enjoyed the changes that I welcome everyday of my life ...

...because what's life without a bit of spice I say!

Can you spare a few clicks and please vote for me?

Lemons my friends

2011-07-22T18:33:00.002-04:00

It's often that things don't work out the way I want it too. I am sure as humans we always feel that way. And than of course there are moments, Oprah likes to call them "Aha Moments" where it happens just right, a solution to a problem emerges and we get it and we relish it and squeeze the heck out of those lemons.

It didn't happen the way I wanted it too. I know there is a plan somewhere for me and it's laid out in a way I probably wouldn't lay it out for myself but I know it is the 'right' way. It's the journey I have to take for myself, my marriage, my family. Sometimes it's hard and not without fighting and crying, which I have had my fair share of these last few days. I am certainly not perfect and I don't think anyone can truly say they are. But I am good person, just wanting love, life and happiness.

We bought a house. A beautiful little house that will need some tender, love and care. But the sweetest part is it is all ours, just the three of us. It was stressful but in the end the nitty gritty was taken care of thankfully by my sweet sweet mom who held my hand through it all.

I'm going to squeeze the lemons out of this house so good it's going to make my cheeks hurts.

Getting in the Groove

2011-07-20T20:14:00.000-04:00

Monday I dove head first back into the reality of life after an amazing vacation with with the Mr. and our Missy Miss. I'm getting back into my groove.

It's fascinating how quickly you forget about the routines and schedules you set up for yourself. Work has been waiting for me and there is no easy way to slip back into it but to jump in with both feet. It feels good to be productive, make things happen, see the cute little smiling faces of my sweet clients. Reality is the world kept spinning while we were indulging in every way possible.

Our lives are hectic. We are very busy people in one very busy house. It was important for us to take a vacation. To just be three. But it feels good to come "home". To see familiar faces. To share stories about travels and see cousins reconnect. It feels good to put order back into our lives.

I thrive on being spontaneous but I must say I appreciate and have open arms for structure and the safety net that is considered 'home'.

I've made it a mission the last little while to try to find what our next move would be for us three. And .. well.. i've found it, it's signed and sealed.

More to come on that (i won't leave you hanging to long).. promise!

Florida in the hot hot heat

2011-07-16T21:48:00.002-04:00

We decided last minute to head out on a summer vacation. Just the three of us. Destination unknown. It's so freeing to be able to decide where you want to go, when, for how long, and to just be able to do it.

Florida it was. We booked our flights and off we went. Best Trip Ever. We do vacation like it's our job.

I would have loved to blog along the way so I could document my every thought and how much fun I - ok WE were having but I thought how we really needed this break. A break from everything where we truly could just.. well.. be! So i'll let the pictures do the talking.

We landed in Orlando, took our girl to the magical world of Disney, took in the sights of Universal and enjoyed lounging at the pool in the sweltering heat.

I never imagined bringing Liv to Disney at the mere age of 18 months seeing as my first time wasn't until I was 16 (which for the record was the best trip ever just me, my mom and my sister) but how could we not..oh how fun it was.

We drove to Clearwater where we finally touched the sand and brought our girl back to the Ocean since being in California. We dashed to our hotel before we got drenched in the torrential rain storm that was to last our entire trip in Florida, luckily it stayed in Clearwater as we made our getaway.

We dashed out of there after a early morning fire alarm and made our way to Naples, which was in every sense of the word fabulous.

We had very good eats, lots of beach time, lots of parks which for the record ROCK and throughly enjoyed a getaway to Isle of Capri.

As our time came to an end in Naples we rushed our way to Miami where a baseball game was starting and we couldn't miss. Liv's third major league stadium she has been to in her 18 months of life.

Off to Fort Lauderdale we went. Luckily Liv's time in the car usually consisted of napping and she quickly got out of her screaming on the top of her lungs routine she does at home. It was busy here and hard to find a hotel but we managed. We made a trip to target and bought cold cuts and cheese with crackers and drank the best chocolate milk.

Cocoa Beach came next where we only spent the day but wished I could have brought it home with us. The tide was perfect. Watching her roll herself throughly into the sand at every beach like she was a candy shop made this trip alone worth every penny.

As the day came to a close we headed back to Orlando for a few relaxing days of shopping, eating, pool splashing, and a second stop at Universal - which for anyone traveling to Orlando was better equipped for children Liv's age than Disney? I was so happily surprised. Liv saw what she called a "monster" and continues to talk about him.

We are home. I've put my little Miss to bed, who's language for has exploded into more of a conversation including every morning we wake up to a stare at mommy "I love you" and than a quick stare at daddy "I love you" than of course back to mommy.

Vacation all I ever wanted. Vacation all I ever needed.

I'll be back

2011-07-07T05:01:00.000-04:00

Hey remember that vacation I kept talking about I thought we so desperately needed?

Well we are on it ..... Oh it feels so nice, the sun, the water, the little Missy getting a whole 11 days of both of her parents undivided attention.

So I'll be back soon my friends, rejuvenated and all.

I'm loving it!

I Love You

2011-07-02T09:56:00.000-04:00

I placed her in her stroller and buckled her with the straps that were filled with sticky ice cream few enjoyed earlier. We walked just her and I talking about the fun we just had. Ice cream and jumping castles, we labeled back and forth, French fries and flowers, watching her learn is everything to me.

Than she looked up at me with her big bright eyes and said "Hi Mummy" and I looked down at her with a bright smile and said "Hi Baby"

And clear as day she said "I Love You"

I love you too sweet girl, I love you too

Days like these

2011-06-28T09:10:00.002-04:00

The last week I have been playing catch up on my work. So most days when you walk in this house I'm looking something like this.

taken by my sweet niece

It's so hard to manage everything in life when you have a family. My mind has been going non stop this past week trying to come up with a plan that is going to work for us. How many hours I'll work? Should Liv be in daycare? Should I switch fields? Should I work at all? Do I need a maid? We need a vacation. I think the older you get the more you realize just how much of a rock your mother was to the entire family.

It was my mommy's birthday on the weekend. We celebrated with family.

We ate outside where the weather was beautiful. Where the little miss gave us her entertainment of doing somersaults, something she's doing non stop these days.

We ate delicious food made by my sister in law. Where I probably over indulged just a little but it was that good.

I see my mom a few times a week. Without her I would not be able to work. She watches Liv for us and for that I will be forever grateful. Although I do see her a few times a week I don't really get to spend a lot of time with her as everyone knows the rush of life. Drop off babe. Run out the door so I'm not late for my first client. Rush around working all day. Pick babe up. Rush out the door quickly to pick up the 3 other babes. So I guess what Im trying to say is it was very nice to be able to spend a day with JUST with my mom.

Life needs to slow down more. It's going much to fast and I'm trying to appreciate days like this, where we can all just BE!

Relationships

2011-06-21T22:31:00.001-04:00

I live with this little girl. She calls me Mommy or MaMa and it makes me proud.

She rocks her independence like it's going out of style but than there are moments. Moments that are so divine where she peeks her head around the corner just to see if I'm still there waiting for her or turns around to ensure I'm following her lead.

Moments like these matter to me. It's this I will one day miss so greatly it will ache my bones. It's hard to appreciate times like these if your not present. For me being present means less working on the house, less time spent on the computer working, less time worrying about what's not getting done. I know for me these simple things just don't compete with this sweet beautiful little girl who calls me MaMa. She wins hands down and that is what makes my life feel fulfilled.

We took a much needed break this weekend and spent a night at my dad's cottage for Father's Day.

We don't get to see my dad that often but when we do it feels like yesterday we were just together. Watching my dad with my daughter reminds me of moments of my childhood.

He set up clay models of the seven dwarfs in the woods around his cottage and happily took her around on a scavenger hunt. She was right in her element. He let her know the low down on how to play football which she didn't comprehend but she listened contently as he was being silly.

This makes me feel so lucky that Liv has an amazing Daddy. The two of them have such similar personalities it's the sweetest thing. Sean is truly an amazing daddy.

He gets down on the floor and will play with her for hours. That on Father's Day he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. He teaches her things even when she gets into her stubborn ways, and he stays patient with her when she screams out mommy instead. They love each other and I feel so lucky I get to witness it all.

So we swam, we hiked, we scavenged, went to the flea market and scoured an awesome toy (see below), watched Daddy's baseball game and most of all enjoyed our family time. We so needed it.

not my dads cottage just an old broken down trailer at the side of the road

Life is too short not to enjoy. Put down the broom my friends and go live your life.

Bye Bye House

2011-06-17T08:25:00.003-04:00

Our house closed this week. We moved several weeks ago but that hasn't stopped us from stopping by until the possession was no longer ours.

We said goodbye.

The fact it doesn't phase her makes this easy.

Here's my girl in all her glory saying goodbye to the house she was first brought home to, rolled over, cut her teeth, crawled, walked, climbed out of her crib and everything in between.

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I truly appreciate all the support I have been getting, thank you thank you thank you.

A Glimpse

2011-06-15T22:28:00.000-04:00

Today was a good day. The food was amazing. The weather was nice. My girl was wild but it helped being out. I so needed this, in this new town of ours.

1. Fresh fruit and vegetables. Yum!
2. Enjoying juicy watermelon.
3. Equally enjoying juicy watermelon.
4. Delicious corn we devoured at dinner
5. Cousinly Snuggles
6. Homemade Pies - Rhubarb pie for dessert. Just Rhubarb with no strawberry. Oh how I have been looking for you for so long. Glad you are in my belly now.
7. On the farm eating a delicious strawberry. Many delicious strawberries I should say.

My Best

2011-06-13T20:57:00.001-04:00

I am doing my best I chant to myself as I email my clients to let them know I have to cancel my supervision today because my niece is sick and needs caring. I am doing my best to reschedule and make phone calls, return emails, run errands, put a toddler down to nap, make dinner, breath. I am doing my best I chant to myself as I reflect at the end of the day.

That's all we can do is do our best. In my mind my best is fabulous. It's outgoing, energetic and care-free. Its patient and loving and everything in between. My best doesn't always come out the way I want it too but in my mind and soul it's there and the core values I hold are strong and good, great even.

Tonight I tried a new technique at bedtime, which may have worked slightly better because she hadn't napped, but I dug deep down below the exhausted mommy and found the patience I knew I needed to have with her. I laid her in her bed and told her gently "we are going to go to sleep and when you wake up we will play. First we sleep than we will play". I pulled her blankie up to her chest and reached my hand into hers and rubbed her fingers gently. She smiled at me and open and closed her eyes looking at me off and on until she fell asleep. I immediately felt guilty for all the times the past few weeks I've been snappy with her and told her "lay down". I was doing my best at the time. I'm trying my best I say to myself but I can't help the guilt that keeps seeping in.

I will do better. My best will shine through. I will try my very best, not for me but for her.

Memory Lane

2011-06-11T20:51:00.003-04:00

Today I went to a baby shower for a friend. We have been friends since kindergarten way back when. We went to the same high school after that and even went to the same University after accepting offers without knowing where we were going. Life is busy, we don't talk often but we have memories on our side that will be life long.

I wasn't able to snap pictures at her shower (chasing after Liv of course) but I was lucky enough to snap a few back in May when the bump was just beginning.

It reminded me of my bump. My Miss Bump that I didn't even know was going to be a Miss. She was as wild than as she is now, partly due to the fact I often poked her just to reassure me of her existence.

You won't hear me say this often but I miss my Miss Bump. There is something truly miraculously about creating and carrying life. I am in no way ready to expand our family (hello we have 3 other little ones to care for) but when the time does present itself I will try to appreciate every last ounce of it.

My pregnancy with Liv although seemed long at the time was the tinniest little twinkle in the scheme of our life together, for which I am and will always be forever grateful.

pregnancy pictures of my Miss Liv bump and Sean taken by Shireen Nadir

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Our Days

2011-06-07T09:31:00.000-04:00

There is something about keeping busy that keeps your mind off of the inevitable. I knew we were going to move, pack our things away in boxes cluttering my brothers house while mixing our styles together, I knew I would be a tad sad watching our lovely house move onto someone else's family so they too can make great memories. But we have been keeping ourselves so active I refused to dwell on it until it happened.

The week leading up to the big move included wonderful new 1st memories in a new home.

Our first Vegetable Garden

It's lovely and we made it all together. The boys have been exciting after school to be able to water them and I can wait to see if we grow anything.

Sprinkler

Love this ball sprinkler, it's perfect for Liv and she wants to be just like the big kids

1st Bike

We do a lot of bike riding in this house. She wants to ride the "big" bikes and we consistently ask for "Bike ride" which actually sounds more like shes say "Back Ga" even though she can say Bike as clear as day. It's one of those words I know Im going to miss hearing when she learns to talk in full sentences.

She loves this little red bike. She can't yet paddle more than 3 in a row but she gives it a good go. Just like the big kids

Speaking of big kids

Honestly this girl can't wait to be one. Monkey see Monkey do. Who wants to go in the baby swing when all the big kids go on the big swings.

check that dangerous stunt she's doing.. what am I going to do with this child

We found this little park that backs into a pond where we spotted a blue heron and a trail filled with dried up worms (gag). It's spots like this make me truly grateful for our time here in suburbia.

I love her little imitating abilities, even the not so good ones - like blowing bubbles in her sip-a-cup milk which eventually will spill over all over her clothes, thanks Cole.

I love when she laughs so hard just because everyone else is laughing and she has zero idea why we are laughing - but it's funny and than she's funny which makes everyone laugh louder. I love this chick

Daddy's Baseball Games

On summer nights since the girl won't sleep we sneak out to see Daddy play baseball.

We play in the dirt, cheer for daddy and enjoy the park. It's worth it, even when the game is cancelled half way through due to players "chirping" on the other team.

another one of her stunts - yes she does this all on her own

than we moved..

But it's ok. I feel good about it, otherwise we wouldn't be here. It was hard, but i managed to do it with no tears.

and than I celebrated with 4 kids off on a PA Day. I braved 4 kids and a theme park in scorching hot summer weather. I know we will be doing plenty of these days in the summer so I figured we might as well jump in with both feet and test the waters.

We had a blast. They had a blast.
... and the rest my friends is history.

Moved.

2011-06-05T22:13:00.001-04:00

Sitting on the bed, exhausted. Rough weekend - emotionally.

Our house is moved. Everything except minor details that don't even seem to matter.

We spent the weekend there, almost like a last farewell party.

Doing a lot of this (Stanley Cup Finals)

and a little bit of that

On top of it all My girl won't sleep, unless of course she is strapped in a car seat or wearing her winter hat in hot weather, even then its still a screaming match for 20 minutes.

This equals tired parents.

She loves the park though, it makes her happy which makes me happy.

But these delicious cake pop's from Starbucks make her even happier.

Words are limited, I need a hug. I will admit it feels good to think about tomorrow and the fact that I will have 4 kids and no game plan, just a fly by the seat of your pants kind of day.

Wish me luck.. to be continued

About Today

2011-06-01T21:04:00.000-04:00

The hockey game is on, my girl is asleep in bed after an hour of wrestling with her to stay in her bed (yes she can climb out), 3 kids are trying to get out of homework, the one dog is walking back and forth and the other is snoring loudly. Calm blue ocean (as my husband would say trying to breath in calmly)

Today I am tired.

I feel defeated. Partly because I had to work the entire day and the other part I think is because that results in me spending few hours with my girl. The drive is killer, to both drop her off and pick her up, but she is with my mom and I wouldn't want it any other way. After not seeing her all day I finally picked her up and doesn't she scream the entire way home. I was exhausted. I was worn out. I was sad.

It is days like today that I just want to be a stay at home mom. Where the guilt of working finally catches up and crashes down.

But than tomorrow will come and work gets pushes aside and I get to just be home, present, trying to manage everything on my plate once again. Ebb and Flow. Ebb and Flow.

Today I'm ready for the weekend.

And the winner of the iPhone 4 case package goes to McKinley (comment number 2). I'm going to email you now for your addy. Congrats :)

Dress Up (and a small giveaway)

2011-05-29T17:58:00.002-04:00

As a child I loved watching Mr. Dress Up and Today's Special. I'm not even entirely sure Today's special had anything to do with dressing up but it certainly had a lot to do with imagination. My love for fashion is undeniable. I could easily spend hours online scouring clothes, looking for inspiration and dreaming up my next outfit, but come on realistically does it look like I have that kind of time in my schedule?

No sadly not, but somehow I manage to squeeze in just a little bit. Like how I love Miss James, but oh how I really love the shirt she wore recently.

I try to buy the things I really love and rock the things I wear.

Look at these sweet little shoes I scored recently?

Bless the husband that laid down on the cement to take these pictures after a quick tutorial from his ever so sweet wife (me)

It's not about spending the most money, actually for me it's probably spending the least that gets me the most excited. I believe I get that from my mom who can work her way through a thrift shop like the back of her hand.

Believe it or not my 16 month old is slightly obsessed with dressing up in her own clothing. I am sure I am partly at fault for this but I can't help but encourage her imagination to grow. She has this desire lately to wear only dresses. It's the sweetest and most frustrating thing at the same time but I can't help but just go with it. My girl is strong willed and it's that little spark that I love watching develop.

We got the most amazing gift yesterday. For girls that like to dress up that is. Nana gave us a bag full of the most beautiful dresses and outfits a girl could ever dream. We played dress up for what seemed like hours and little Miss Liv so happily cooperated.

This may all come back to bite me in the foot one day, or should I say Wallet.

And I have a Giveaway.. First giveaway on my blog. Dress up your phone I'll call it (like how I tied that together?)

I was sent a lovely iPhone4 hard-side layered case & screen care kit (3 pack) from my provider. I already have a very similar case and have no use for it. I hope someone out there does.

So leave a comment below for entry about something to do with dressing up. I will randomly select a winner on random.org on Wednesday June 1st & the set is yours.

Early Mornings

2011-05-26T10:31:00.001-04:00

I woke up this morning, for the third time this week, at 1:37 am to a screaming baby. She is teething - 3 molars at once, she is feverish, her nose is stuffy, she can CLIMB out of her crib, she picks her clothes out and screams if you don't let her wear a dress, she tries to put on underwear? how does she even know what underwear is?? she is everything but a baby.

So I bring her into our room where she takes 45 minutes to fall back asleep while kicking our heads, rolling on top of us, talking to somebody - anybody who will listen I assume, and pushes me as close to the edge as she could possible get me. Than closes her eyes and falls asleep.

All of this makes for a great morning, right? I am so beyond ready to have our house completely moved so we can set up our new rooms, so Liv can be in her toddler bed and I can sleep in my king size bed with as much room as possible - aww bliss.

So I'm tired this morning and I'm drinking instant coffee (yuk) but it tastes so so good and exactly what I need. The girls are making a massive mess and I'm cool with it.

A few must have toys in our house:

The ball tent, nothing but a mess maker but man can it keep a girl happy for hours

Rody, I wrote about him before when we got him, but now that we've had him for a while he is worth more than I paid. He is a staple in this house and an entertainer for both the rider and the viewer.

* Video from Feb - she's a pro bouncing all around the house now but this video is too cute not to share

Bilibo Rocking Spinning Chair - hours of imaginary play for all the kids, love this silly little chair

*picture from Easter, haven't taken enough pictures of this chair

So today although off to a rough start, including the huge mess Ill have to clean up 5 minutes before everyone else gets home, and the nap today that will probably be a real treat, actually isn't all that bad.

But I might just need another instant coffee, yum

Outfit: Jeans - BCG, Shirt - H&M, Belt - H&M, Shoes - Stone Ridge

Fun Times

2011-05-23T20:32:00.001-04:00

A moment to myself, go fancy that. Big breath in, Big breath out.

There is something about weekends that just oozes with greatness regardless of the weather or the schedule we plan. Waking up with my family has to be one of the best feelings in the entire world. And this weekend we got to wake up with one extra day, thank you long weekend.

There are things I should be organizing or preparing for our soon to be closing on our house. There is always work I could be doing or attending to. Dishes to be done and meals to be made. But this weekend we just did nothing but everything and it felt good.

The long awaited opening of the splash pad commenced on Saturday and oh it felt better than I imagined. Watching my little Miss run around screaming with joy as she chased her cousins.

She wandered the border first with her mysterious grin and than just ran for it.

Sean and I lounged on the towels watching everyone run with so much joy, than chowing out on picnic snacks.
This is what I crave, this is what gives me joy, this is what made my day.

And somehow we managed to make it out for the night on the town and hit up a Cake concert where he played our favorite tunes, laughed our butts off, grabbed the worst hot dogs we have ever had, and made it home before the clock struck 12.

I think the park has given us our eviction notice as we made regular appearances this weekend. But how can we not when hearing a sweet baby girl's voice in the back seat scream "park" as we pass one on the street? It has us pulling the car over real quick and jumping out for some fun.

Love this girl. Love love love this girl.

So although University days of the long weekend cottaging with friends were fun, I'm not sure anything could top our long weekend, which also included our trip to the Blue Jay's baseball game yesterday & a spotting of the great Banksy's work.

Well, maybe add some much needed fireworks, if only the weather and husband would have cooperated.

Oh summer days how I can't wait to thoroughly enjoy you.

Onto the next adventure. One piping hot bubble Bath?

Unknown

2011-05-19T09:38:00.000-04:00

There is something about being spontaneous and not knowing the destination of your travels that is invigorating and so compelling to me. I like the thrill of the unknown and not having a set path laid out for our lives.

I'm sure we have all hear time and time again that "life is too short". It's true though. Life is too short. It's too short for me to dwell on a messy house, kids not getting ready in the morning, a dog that has needed to go to the vet two times in one month (thank goodness for that insurance we took out on him after his last major event).

Our life right now is utterly and completely unscripted in every sense. We don't know how long we are going to live here, we don't know were we will move next, we don't have any idea of where and when we want to vacation, we don't know how long i'll continue working or what i'll do next but we know all of these things will come and will work itself out.

I actually find this all very refreshing. I love that we could pick up and change our lives just because we can. I find it refreshing because this was our choice and our decision. It wasn't brought on by hard times and were having to live on the fly of our seat. It's because we wanted to do this.

The girls and I made a trip to the Science Centre on Tuesday. I find taking the girls out often easier than planning a day inside during the enormous amount of rainy days we have been having.

After working all day Monday it feels so great to have Tuesday come along and just spend a day doing whatever we want when we want.

Watching my girl learn and grow never grows old. It is watching her grow all on her own that excites me most about the unknown.

Summer Come Back

2011-05-15T19:31:00.001-04:00

I have been trying to find some alone time, to sit down with myself to be able to write. I find it therapeutic and have this need to document it all. Time seems to be limited, especially with 4 kids in one house, can you blame me?

Slowly routines and schedules are working their way out and the big family of 7 that we are now seem to make it work really well.
I think people thought we were crazy, but hey it is what it is and we are rocking it out.

The rain had been out for weeks on end and than finally a glimpse of summer came out. So we took full advantage of it until it came back again and by the looks of it, will be staying for some time.

Things I am looking forward to continuing..

Adults playing baseball games on the street like kids while the real kids run around trying to catch the pop flies..

Playing in the dirt, because it's fun and she thinks so too..

Bike rides with cousins, lots and lots of these.

Enjoying outside with our Mr. Brew, poor guy hates the rain.

Messy Yards as evidence that fun is being had

We have crazy moments were things are hectic..

but for now they seem to be few and far between, so come back summer we are ready for you with open arms.

A day for Mothers..

2011-05-09T20:12:00.001-04:00

I am not entirely sure what I would do with out my mom. I knew that I thought that when I was younger but I guess the older I get the more I appreciate the things I took for granted. I am glad I got to spend some time with my mother yesterday, and I am even more glad that Liv gets to spend time with her Nana weekly.

There were things about yesterday I wish could be redone, and that's the honest truth. Things like an argument, wishing I could switch the date of my husbands first baseball game of the year, my tolerance levels, in other words it wasn't exactly all rainbows and fairy tales. It was real. It was like life is, sometimes rough around the edges but than you get to the core and it really anit all that bad.

I'm not perfect, I have faults, as a human being, as a mother, as a women, as a sister, as a daughter. I don't even really know what I am doing half the time (minus my job which I feel very confident at and am grateful for it) and end up just going with the flow. Somedays I feel emotional, on-edge, over worked, tired, and other times I feel like I got it together.

My sister, Liv and I went to the beach for the day after a series of typical life situations. It was nice, relaxing, and exactly what I needed. I want to spend everyday at the beach. Away from the pressure, and sometimes just the plain realities of life. It felt good to feel the sun after weeks of not really seeing it. I love this beach, I once worked for three summers on this beach.

I think it's my calling.

Or maybe it just means that Vacation is calling me..

Hope everyone had a Happy Mother's Day ( to all Mom's and Mom's to be)

Suburbia

2011-05-05T14:06:00.002-04:00

One thing is for sure, I never in a million years would have seen myself living, breathing, raising a child in the Suburbs. My husband can confirm this. When we were looking for houses to buy the number one importance for me was living in the city. We bought a tad further east than I would have liked and when anyone would ask us about if we sold our house where we would move I would always say, point blank, "I am as far east as I will possibly go". Little did I know we would be moving as far north as I've never wanted to go.

Suburbia. I am surrounded by a community of houses that look pretty much identical in the middle of farm land? How is this possible when I am only a 30 minute drive from the city?

check out the height on the static hair - awesomeness

Embrace it. It's my new moto. I am loving the down time this has afforded us to do. I am appreciating the simpler kind of life, with less to choose from but tasting just as good.

I am loving the kids that just randomly show up to play.

I can leave our outdoor toy outside the front of the house and it's still there when I wake up.

New sandals for two special girls even though its still cold out, just because I can.

Early gifts from my niece, melt my heart.

Playing chalk all together while mommy has a mind break, yes sometimes my mind just needs a break.

craving summer, badly!

Suburbia anit all that bad, though my heart is in the city and hopefully the wardrobe to match.

Outfit: jeans - BDG, Shirt - Anthropologie, Tank - Urban Outfitters, Belt - H&M

Simplify

2011-05-03T21:25:00.000-04:00

I have this desire lately to simplify our life. I think it started with the purging of just about everything in our entire house. Than I think watching this just fueled my desire.

Something about it makes me giddy, I love it, it makes me feel the need to do something, live somewhere else, breath different air, grow vegetable garden, do things completely out of my norm. Simplify.

I ~~like~~ love the sound of it.

I feel like I am in a good place right now. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel as though my life is getting a little bit organized, a little less cluttered, a little more fun and a little less work, a lot crazier yet adventurous.

I am excited for the unknown of our future, it's lit a light under my fire. I like that we have LESS in our life material wise. Slowing down sometimes is hard for me to do but this summer I am determined to simplify in any way I can. That's what I want, not only for me but especially for her.

One more time. Simplify.

Growing Fonder

2011-04-28T20:34:00.002-04:00

I think as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Although, my absence has been completely unintentionally and more to do with my lack of "me" time, I am certainly glad to be back.

This year Easter was a real treat. I felt like I was high on life watching my little sweet girl search for plastic easter eggs that the easter bunny left for her, maybe it was just the early morning caffeine but I was just so in awe watching her search eagerly around the house.

When she first started to come down the stairs I wanted to be ready with the camera to capture her sweet little grin. At first she wasn't impressed with how I left her at the top of the stairs to snap the pictures but once she saw the easter bunnies gifts she sure like what she saw.

She searched the room eagerly to find an egg, open it up on the spot and sneak the sweet little gerber chewy candy into her mouth. Nothing like an early morning candy to start off the day.

We spent time with cousins, families, and dressed up in our Easter outfits.

So after a nice weekend with everyone and much needed time alone us little family of 3 (4 - our doggie boy) and after much deliberation I have lightened my load, our lives are changing (drastically) for the next little while and my priorities were in for a much needed change. I feel like my time needs to be spent with my family, as a working women who loves their job, this will be a slow transition, but I know it is one that will not only benefit me but my family, and for that I will be forever grateful.